He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
