I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Im part way to drunk.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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