I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
