Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
