i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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