Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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