We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
