i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
