I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
