I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
