And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
