My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
