Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
