bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
