I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
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