you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
jump out the window naked night went bad
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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