my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
