so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
