i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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