Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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