i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
