So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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