No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
