So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
