Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
