And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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