I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
