We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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