I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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