I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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