He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
