if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
