so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
