trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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