no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
