Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
