ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I am midnight drunk by noon
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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