I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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