She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
