You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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