At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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