kristin has been a bad kristin
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
