Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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