I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
