How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
