i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
