I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
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