The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
