Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
