Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
